Weeds In My Heart

Beep. Beep. This is a test. This is a test of the Emergency Christian Network. Were this an actual emergency, you would have jumped to action instead of sitting like a lump and questioning "How high?" It seems you have passed this time, but the next time you might not be so gracious. We now conclude this test. Beep.

Do you ever think of minor questions as major tests? Today, a teen neighbor came over and asked if he could borrow our lawnmower. Technically, since I don't use it much, it is DH's lawnmower. I called him to ask if it was OK. I hesitated. He said yes, without much thought. I was the doubting one. My DH is so good!

Now, if it had been for his own yard, I would have been skeptical. But this was for my next door neighbor's yard. Across the street from the teen's house. I have to say that I am... ashamed. And I am still skeptical. I took a bit to go out and clean sticks from our yard, and the teen was mowing across the fence. I was watching him, hoping that he would not break our mower. Begging God that the mower come back full of gas, as it left. I still do not know what will happen. The lawn was tall, and the mower strong, but the teen inexperienced. I do not know if the boy has been raised with the courtesy I hope to see.

This seems to be a small thing, and the part of me that is embarrassed that I hesitated is hoping that his home circumstances allow him to be more than what I expect. It is no small cost if the mower gets broken. His single mom can't afford a new mower for me if he damages ours. After all the car repairs we have had lately, more household expense looks scary.

This seems to be a large thing, and the part of me that gave in is reading the Bible, and remembering that giving to the "least of these" is giving to God. I could be entertaining angels by this kind action. The lawn in question gets mowed nicely, and they only have to pay the teen. The teen learns responsibility, learns to return borrowed items in good condition.

This was a test. I feel as if I passed (I did loan the mower), and failed (I was too wary) at the same time. Does this make sense to anyone but me?

While I was typing this, the lawnmower was left on my front stoop (where the squirrel was a couple of posts back), and there was nobody to be seen. I had only checked the front yard because I saw the car leave across the street. The mower was full of gas, which is very nice, but it was left out in the open in a time when the wrong person could wander by and steal it. I swept off the little green leftovers, and locked it in the garage. He didn't even knock on the door, to tell me thank you. Sigh.

So did I pass? Did I fail? Did the teen? Jesus would have loaned the mower, don't you think? Life is full of little hypothetical questions, and daily challenges. How we act in the face of such determines where we go when our time is up. I hope I made the right choice in the face of my own worries.

It all makes me want to go put on some sunscreen, and go mow my own lawn. Work out my salvation... with work (as well as the fear and trembling). Yard work seems to be like gardening. If I can clean up the yard, maybe I can work out the cleaning of my mind's cobwebs. I am reading a book called "The Shack" by William Young, and while I have not yet finished it, it is making a lot of sense in regard to the mess of our souls. We have to clean out once in a while, and be left with a good, empty patch of fertile ground to receive the seeds that God intends to plant in us. More on that later, especially with Niki, who recommended the book to me.

I need to devote more of my time reading the Bible, and less time thinking about the reasons not to loan the mower out.