Because Falling Is Funny

I have felt today the true meaning of schadenfreude.

I was minding my own business, driving from a class at my church building (I was the class this week) to the grocery store in Edmond where I wished to buy fresh veggies and fruits. After entering the highway, I set my cruise to the limit of 60, and stayed in the right lane. I know that going ONLY the speed limit is irritating to some, so I follow the rules of the road; "Slow Traffic Keep Right".

Out of nowhere, there comes a little black car. He (She? I wasn't looking, really) passed me on the right, and in doing so cut back in front of me across the warning hash marks of the exit lane he was in. So, let's review. 1. Speeding (Remember that I am locked on the speed limit? I thought you were paying attention.) 2. Passing on the right. 3. Reckless driving. 4. Changing lanes without using a signal. 5. Crossing warning lines. (Should have exited at Hefner, dude.)

Now, I was having an OK sort of day, but there had been a few little things on my mind that were bothering me. This person cutting me off just made me shake my head and sigh. My first thought was my usual one when someone does something stupid in front of me in traffic: "Happy ticketing, jerk!" Yeah, I was good today, I didn't really say what I was thinking, even though I was in the car by myself. Usually, I tend to be more... inappropriate when I have nobody to hear me. Never a cop around when you need one. That dude needs a ticket, maybe he would slow down and not be a danger to others anymore. Somebody should have seen that!

And then the happiness burst forth. From traffic behind me, I saw a motorcycle cop maneuver through traffic, pass me, and get behind the little black car. Then the pretty Christmas lights (That is from the undercover cars, that look all normal, until they light up like a Christmas tree. No green; just red, white and blue.) came on, and the little siren that is impossible to hear over your stereo while on the highway. He actually pulled the little car over, and I was suddenly very happy.

Not only was the driver doing all those things I listed above, I think I saw a phone on the ear. I can't be certain. Maybe he wasn't wearing his seat belt. A part of me hopes that he got a hefty fine for all the rudeness. It was about 12:15 in the afternoon, so the dude (dudette, if that applies) was probably rushing around to get lunch and go back to an office job he hates. Life can be pretty easy, until you make it hard on yourself, you know? I just think it was funny.

The rest of the traffic around me slowed down when they saw the cop going for the reckless speeder. They had all been pretty far behind me, but suddenly were next to me, but pretending to obey the law they should have been following all along. It feels good to know that I was obeying the traffic laws, and that by breaking them around me, someone got caught. That has happened more in the past couple of years... I wonder if there are more cops, or if it is just that I happen to be at the right place at the right time? Truly, I believe that the world is out to get me.

I think I have a sign that shows up when I drive: It is Neon Green, and flashes the words, "Woman Driver, Please Cut Me Off". It changes color and adds words when I am with Roadrunner. Then it looks like a flashing traffic signal: Green, Yellow, Red... "Two women on board. You are required to do something stupid in front of this car". When we add Roadrunner's "I LOVE my children!", the sign goes even further: Blinking in the colors of the rainbow, the words, "We have children, we are women, hear us scream when you perform illegal and stupid acts near this car!"

I have my Dad's uncanny ability to kill streetlamps by merely driving past. I have my Mom's sense to tell people to stop, but usually the people in the other car can't hear me. I talk to the traffic, like Rachael Ray talks to her food. It is habit, and a nasty one, at that. I also get from Dad the knack for hitting every light red, especially when running late. DH has this too, but I don't know from whence he inherited. Unless my marriage to him made some of my dumb luck rub off on him?

For all of you who have ever sat out there in the traffic jam caused by the longest train known to exist in captivity, take heart. It really will be moved sometime this century. I promise. Even if by only microns per year. When it is blocking the one thing you want to do.... (just across the tracks in front of you!) say a prayer, and remember that you can't get a ticket for waiting on a train.

Or obeying the law.

I am truly giddy over this, and I should not be. This is bad.