What I Should Have Said Was...

Word of the Post
Today's word is: enmity
/en"mi*ty/ noun
Hostility or unfriendly disposition; the quality of being an enemy; a state of deep-seated ill will.
I try to be a nice person, but sometime enmity attacks my spirit. I feel it in return to the people who display it.
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Yesterday, I was at the grocery store with Roadrunner and her two boys. The boys were being boys. They were not, however, being boys run amok with orneriness. They were not in the way, not running away, not disobeying (yet), and not even showing a little bit of hyper. There was a woman who walked past us, as she was leaving the store, and apparently the big boy was in her way. I don't see how he was in her way, he was next to me.

She walked past us, mumbling hateful things. The parts I heard were "BOY, you better move out of my way!" and "GAWD, I am glad I am not a parent, Thank GAWD, I am thankful I am not a parent!" I have to admit that the anger rose in me. Quickly, fiercely rose in me, and stayed there for a while. I yelled at her, "Yeah, well, SO ARE WE!"

The way she called my buddy "BOY" was rude. I don't want to make this about race. She was a mad woman. I can tell you she was black and she said it the same way white slave owners in the deep south used to call black people "BOY". It was uncalled for, because he was not in the way. It was mean and hateful. What a horrible way to treat another human!

I realize that there are several factors here. One, I am not a parent either. This wasn't my child she insulted. Their mother didn't hear the hate. The boys didn't hear the hate. But these boys were not misbehaving in any way. There was no reason for her to be angry at them just for existing. Two, I want more than anything to become a parent. I can't explain it, I just desire it. She doesn't. That makes no difference to me. I get tired of hearing other people's kids screaming or shouting rude comments. I get angry at those same children who disrespect their parents, and I get angrier that the parents don't do anything about it. Three, the way she "prayed" to GAWD made me angry. To thank God is one thing, but to be so flippant with His name was sharp on my nerves. And Four, I am not sorry that I yelled back at her. I AM ALSO glad that she is not a parent. Why would I wish her to be a parent if I know that she would raise her children in the same rude, mean, hateful manner? I am sure that God knows that her children would be terrors. Good for Him to make sure that she does not have children.

The last point here is the one that scares me. I was hateful to her, too. I do not know who the woman was, nothing about her age, her education, her culture. Her voice sounded just like a woman I used to work with, and that may have been more of a nail on the chalkboard of my nerves than what she actually said. I could have chosen to ignore it, and never told Roadrunner that some random woman at the store was rude to her son. But I chose to yell, and that was not a good example to anyone.

I need to stop and think before I speak. I have always had a quick tongue and temper. This is against the ideal of the person I want to become. I obviously have a lot of work to do. God has a lot of work to do in me.