Why Would You Have Been Worried?

I haven't been doing so well in the past few months.

We have had several issues in life, and the depression has kept me in a sort of hibernation for my own protection. 2010 stole my parents. 2011 we lost DH's grandmother (the last living grandparent he had), and had our home burglarized (they stole the best of mom's jewelry, that I hadn't even had for a year!). 2012 we lost my grandmother (my last living grandparent). My Bro and Sis had a still-born son. Then we had a hail storm that damaged our roof and two cars. In the past two months, we have lost three church friends to age and illness. I have two girlfriends separating from their husbands.

I feel like there is a big backpack full of rocks and bricks and bowling balls on my shoulders. It holds me back, pulls me down, and generally makes my life miserable.

I am amazed at how well I have held up, if you want to know the truth of the matter. I don't know why I haven't just hit the loony bin door in a white coat that helps me hug myself. The bad has been offset by good, but honestly, I haven't noticed it much. Do you ever feel that way? I notice that when the bad comes, the enemy likes to lie to me, and tell me that no good will come of it. I had quit watching for good. I had quit watching for God in all things.

I have gotten back into walking several times a week with Roadrunner again, which helps my mood. We talk about all sorts of subjects and sweat away the stress. Lately, I have been wondering if I need iron or caffeine, as our walks tend to wipe me out for the rest of the day. Today, I did a lot of grocery shopping. I accomplish much, but feel like a failure when I walk in my door and see all the accumulation of junk and dirt and dirty things that I haven't the gumption to clean/sort/trash.

Apparently, I need to mind my own advice to others. "Don't be so hard on yourself." I am a strict taskmaster. And perfectionist. And procrastinator. And judge and jury at my own trial. I gave myself my own conviction. Guilty! And that is enough of that.

My lovely friend Court had her healthy baby girl. I have yet to visit, but I am hoping to do that soon. My lovely friend Desi had a beautiful baby girl, as well. Through all the mayhem in my life, God has sent me some sweet pictures to remind me that HE is still alive, and helps us to keep living, daily.

Several people have come to me at church, saying that they notice that I have lost weight. MEN have spoken these words to me. Therefore, the walking is working. I don't notice weight loss, because I don't stand on the scale often, and I stare at the reflection every day and criticize it. I had noticed that I have rearranged where stuff sits, and I had to buy new SMALLER jeans to fit the new shape. Officially, I have lost almost 25 lbs from my highest weight ever, which was three and a half years ago. Small changes, adding exercise, removing junk food (to an extent), eating less in general at almost every meal, and keeping a food journal have helped in the process.

I am by no means "healthy" yet. I still let the depression take over sometimes. I have also tried to remember that each day is a gift and I should be grateful for the many gifts I have been given, and I should share them with joy.

I have purchased a few things that have helped me on my journey. Journal. Magnetic jewelry (I got it because it was pretty, and don't notice good or bad effects from it). Supplements that help my insides function properly.

I have NOT purchased a few things that I dearly desired, simply because I have no need of them in my clutter piles. There are books, movies and music that have stayed on the shelves at stores. I am learning to ask myself the Fly Lady questions: Will this bless my home? Do I love it? Can it bless me more if it goes to another home? Is this valuable? Can it be used by someone else to bless their home? Using these questions and her patterns of cleaning, I have filled three trash carts in the past two weeks. I have donated clothing to the local Goodwill. Over the past few years, I have taken several car loads of clothing that we no longer wear to Goodwill, as well.

Some of what was stolen has been replaced. Most of it was personal and emotional, original and irreplaceable. I don't think I can ever get back the most valuable thing they took, my naive notion that I was safe here. My mind says, "It was only S.T.U.F.F." (Stuff That Undermines Family Fun), and I don't need it." but my heart says, "They stole my mom when they stole the Family Ring."

I have to learn to live in this world of evil, and I have more to learn from my parents about how to handle evil with Jesus. I miss them fiercely.

I will be okay. It is just going to take a while longer than I thought. I have decided that is good. As long as I am working to improve, I am moving in the correct direction.

Belated Welcome To 2009

I have not gotten very good at updating.

I went back and read the first entry of 2008. It has been a year of changes, a year of ups and downs. A year of abundance. So, I decided to put down some new goals. I need accountability buddies this year! Volunteers need to state their intentions in the comments. Please?

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Last year: Each year, I resolve to be more organized. It lasts anywhere from two days to three months, depending on the specific exercise I am thinking about.

This year: I am thinking actually about exercise. I have joined a gym with my DH, and we are going to work out and swim together this year. His membership was paid by his boss, and mine was a discount addition to it. I am looking forward to slimming down, but getting healthy is way more important than the numbers on the clothes or off the scale. I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs and not be breathless at the top. This is costing money, so it is more important to me. It hurts if I don't use it, for the value. I hope to keep using this.
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Last year: I also get my book list started each New Year's weekend....I would like to read through the complete Bible this year.

This year: I want to sell the books and movies that I want to weed out of our collection. I want to remove any media with cursing in it, or immoral situations that are overt and grotesque. (Easier said than done, because of some of our favorites have lots of language.) I have 17 versions of the Bible, and I am planning on studying more than reading.
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Last year: This year, I have also resolved to get the house clean. Cleaner. To work on cleaning the house more often. Yeah.

This year: I wish to clear the clutter. Keeping the dishes done, and staying on top of the mountains of laundry seems overrated. But if I clear out the stuff I don't use, maybe I can keep the space more clean.
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Last year: ...I resolve to blog more. I have been leaving this poor pet alone for a week at a time, and that is just not friendly.

This year: Same song, next verse. I already promised to work on this again. Much like organizing and exercising, I can do this. But keeping up with it after about May is tough. It shouldn't be... this is a way to share with YOU, my friends.
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Last year: I don't usually like to "resolve" anything; other than fights, anyway.

This year: I have always made a point to NOT make resolutions. I think that serves governments better than individuals. I prefer this year to simply BE resolute.
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Have a great 2009!
God Bless You.

The Sound Of Silence Has A Loud Echo

I wanted to blog. I needed to blog. I got to thinking of how much I have not blogged lately. I sat at the laptop, thinking of all the things I should be doing (oh, the list is long and there is a lot of work on it), and of the election results. The poem in the previous post just rather jumped out of me. It has been a long time since I wrote much poetry. I have always enjoyed writing, and I have some poetry that I would like to share here. (Buried in a box in my spare room, and pretty close to lost right now.) I can say that writing has saved my life on at least two occasions. Unfortunately, that is literal, and not figurative.

I think every girl probably thinks about suicide, especially in Jr. High, when it is fashionable to make a feeble attempt. I came to the conclusion that everyone hated me, and I was worth nothing. I believe God nudged me to call a friend, and talk it out, and she nudged me to write it all down. Those were some powerful poems, and I may never share them with anyone. I don't quite "get" them anymore. I read one a few weeks ago, and was struck by how morbid it sounded, and how I left it there. I never really resolved the poem, even though it had helped me to resolve my feelings. No wonder the people who read it (all 2 of them) thought I was still in the gloom.

I will have you all know (please, no desperate calls) that I am fine. I am not in a funk, even though the election didn't make me happy. I have some family issues that are causing minor stress, but God is here, and I am going to make it.

Speaking of family... my Grams is in the hospital right now with a bad case of pneumonia. I have been hearing from the Aunts for two years or more that the next big bad cold she got might be the end of her. If it becomes necessary to gather the family, Mom would have to come from NM to KS, and travel would be slow and quite inconvenient. I don't know what to ask for, other than your good thoughts and prayers. I don't know the path for Grams' health. All I know is that God is in control of it all, and I want HIM to be the one to make the tough choices, and I need HIM to hold my hand through it all.

I need more sunshine. Winter is hard for me, I get stuck in the Seasonal Affect blues, and it is hard to snap out of them. Even when I am not out IN the sunshine, having it through the window is good.

OK, for those of you who have been in my house at any time in the past four years.... I mopped the kitchen. Yes, you read me right, I mopped! I am cleaning for the jewelry party I am having on Friday night... and I decided that the house needed to be clean. People would notice if I didn't clean a little deeper, so I got a new mop and got out the Pine Sol Lemon, and I mopped. Once I find the floor underneath all the boxes in the dining room, I plan to mop that too. Have I said recently how much I hate housework? And that I have never really had a clean house to maintain? Yeah, I am trying to change that this week.

I am such a procrastinator. This week has been all about moving stuff from view, and cleaning the dust bunnies that have hidden underneath it for far too long. I should have done this almost 2 years ago, when I first quit my job to stay home. Ah, well. At least I will have something nice to show for it. A party! With friends! And they may not be scared to come back to my home!

Enough procrastinating now, too. I am going to take some of this junk to Goodwill, and move the rest of it around, and clean more of the floor.

Have a sparkly day!

Veni, Vidi, Venti

Word of the Post
Today's word is: tschotschke
/chach"keh/ noun
From Merriam-Webster online at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tchotchke
Yiddish for trinket, from obsolete Polish czaczko. Useless bauble, pretty but trivial. Cheap gewgaw.
When I got married, my friend told me she wanted to get me something useful, not some tschotschke that would be gathering dust on a shelf I didn't have.
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First of all, thank you all. For caring about me, and really paying attention to my blabbering. It is refreshing and very important to me.

For those of you sweet enough to suggest that Mom find a new doctor, I regret to inform you that Farmington, New Mexico isn't the biggest town, and no, there is no other specialist that she can see there. To get another requires a different city. Albuquerque is probably the biggest and nearest option, but that would require a lot of driving that she can't do, or moving the household that Dad can't do for another 4 years (when he can collect the retirement money he has worked so hard to earn!). I do have my buddy, Stacey, who offered to be the bully in my place. I may have to talk to her about that. You would think that I knew enough nurses in Farmington, I could find one to really help my mom. I wish that her insurance would still pay for the Home Health Nurse that was coming to clean her foot once a week. She was friendly, and offered to draw blood for mom's labs the day before a doctor visit, and was just so helpful. She called herself a "mosquito" compared to the "vampires" at the clinics.

It isn't really that Mom is getting deficient care. She has been sufficiently cared for when she sees the doctors, and when she has been in the hospital. It is that she is not receiving information up front. She has to find out about available information from other sources, and beg the doctors' offices for it. Free information that could help her understand what is going on with her kidneys, and what it means to be on dialysis for the rest of her life, what is involved with getting a new kidney by transplant. Information that I have come to feel that they should be giving her. She has been frustrated not to receive it until (in some cases after) it was vital to her treatment.

If this was some unknown virus or rare disease, I could see the doctors not sharing information, because they may not know it. In the case of a normal diabetic woman having a normal kidney failure, I am infuriated that they have not told her more, as far back as 10 years ago. She has been in the hospital several times in the past five years or so, and more than once, they feared for her life. They (the hospital staff) didn't recommend to my Dad and Bro that they call me. They (again, the hospital staff) never tried to contact me. Bro usually called, wanting me to know, and knowing that Dad may not need to be the one calling me because he was caring for his wife. At the same time, they (Bro and Dad) always told me not to come yet. I guess they wanted to save me a trip when I could do nothing to improve the situation. That excuse won't last forever.

Flea, I have to tell you, I had nothing personal against the little opossum. He/she was just another thing that ran away from the light. I don't set out to destroy anything. Stuff like spiders, ants, mosquitoes, June bugs and other flying insects or creepy crawlies have to invade my space first, and by doing so, invite Death to the party. Although I would be the first to shoot a squirrel if I could get away with it within City limits. They have put holes in my roof which became holes in my ceiling. I would love to pelt them all (That is funny, pelt. That is what DH and I say about dead things in the road...we call them all pelts. Um... I guess the pun was intended.) with paint balls or pellets. I would have the dogs in the neighboring yards cheering me on.

Instead of Complaining, I need a really big Smooffee.

Can I Bore You Some More?

Word of the Post
Today's word is: caliginous
/ca*lidge"i*nous/ adjective
Misty, dark, dim, obscure.
London is often portrayed as claiginous. The murky fog dims the lights, and gives the city at night an ominous glow.
I was under the impression that it meant "made of tin", because of the line in The Wizard of Oz. The Wizard calls the Tin Man a "clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk". Made of tin would actually be "ferruginous", but that wouldn't alliterate with clinking and clattering, now, would it? The idea being communicated (supposedly above everyone's head) is that the Tin Man is rusted and heartless. I imagine a batch of tin cans tied to the back of a car at a wedding. Empty, noisy, old, rusted and utterly without beauty. The Wizard is attempting to insult the Tin Man, and show his great intelligence.
At this link I found an interesting discussion of this thought, spawned by his own ponderances of irony. Here I found another, more directly related to the script of the movie. This person delves into the plot twist that the "Oz is not that brilliant after all."
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I have a matter of very great concern. I don't want to give names, or too many details, for the sake of privacy. Please pray for my friend. She had a tubal pregnancy that was ended today. I am praying, and knowing that many of you will do the same for her. I praise God for His family of believers to help in this time of pain.

Ferret and Zipper are in town for Zipper's oral surgery on Wednesday. They are working in the back of her throat to close a little hole, so that she can keep air separated between her mouth and her nose. It will help her be able to make more consonant sounds when she speaks. This could be very interesting in the long run. Zipper-Speak is very vowel oriented, and very hard to understand, even sometimes for her mom. I have to be looking at her, to see what she is trying to do with her mouth to really get what she says. Today at lunch, she told us she needed a "map". She meant "nap". Close. Still, she hit that P with perfect clarity, and that is new in the past few months to me.

We took the Buick in to the Honda dealership last night, and got all our personal stuff out of it. It is a 2002 model, but it had a book for a 2003. Whatever. At least it had a book. I have never been so very happy to be rid of a car. The relief is so sweet. When we thought about buying a car before this, we were in the finance office of the Hyundai dealer before the dread nearly made me puke. This time, I never got the growling pit feeling in my tummy, I never got the "get me out of here, NOW" voice in my head. It was almost painless. I say almost, only because I now have to PAY the price we agreed upon. A little more friendly conversation got us a better interest rate, yet again. This is a total of 13 points better than the loan we got on the Buick in 2003. We have paid off two cars, early, since then, and have very little other debt. It is good to know that the hard work we have done was not useless.

Now, we have to figure out what sort of coverage we wish to carry on our cars, and get the insurance set up. If you live in Oklahoma, and have need of an insurance quote, I have the guy for you.

There is much to do this week, and not nearly enough time to get it all done. I hope I don't lose my mind!

Raise your glass to mindless existence! I shall enjoy mine filled with a little water, on the rocks.

Stimulating Happy Dance

Word of the Post
Today's word is: vulpine
/vul"pine/ adjective
Of or pertaining to a fox; foxy, crafty, cunning, artful; resembling a fox.
When running, she exhibits the vulpine agility necessary to evade the hunters.
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First of all, Happy Mother's Day!

To all the women in the world (like ME) who are not mothers... your place is equally honorable. Women are made to fill a void in the world. God put us here to complete and complement humanity. We bring beauty into a drab environment, and laughter and love into the home. We help others to raise their children, and we continually learn from our own mothers, sisters and friends who are mothers. We are created by the Grandest Artist, and we are Masterpieces. Do not let the world tell you that you are not worthy if you are not a mother. You are a Daughter of the King of Kings, and He knows your true Beauty.
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If it's not one thing, it's another. I have a few things I would like your help pleading to God.
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Zipper managed to break a rod in her back last week. She told Ferret that she had a "pokey" hurt in her back. They are getting her rod replaced on this Monday afternoon. They were going to stretch her in late June anyway, so this just moves up the job. Please keep the kiddo in your prayers. She did well with getting her tonsils out a month ago. She is such a brave little thing.
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I have heard no update on Pop since the last one I posted here. I would guess that he already has his pacemaker/defibrillator installed (makes him sound like a car or a computer, doesn't it?), and I hope he does NOT get the feeling of getting kicked in the chest by a mule when it works.
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My friend Lisa (the second one... Version 2.0...the impostor?) has a family friend that recently passed away. She is dealing with her own family issues surrounding this loss, and I want her to have strength and compassion. I don't want to test her patience, I just want the funeral and other family events to go smoothly, without any "episodes". It is never easy being the peacemaker in a family.

Her hubby, Jody, is a good friend of ours too, and it looks like he will have to start all over on his Doctorate...again. Yes, he has had to do this once before, and this adds yet another year to to his finishing goal. I am hoping that he just lets it go for the summer, because he is leading a group of O.C. students to Europe. I don't want this setback to cloud his travel fun.
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On a note of Praise, I have a friend from Texas who is going to go to work in a foreign country, with a group from "Let's Start Talking"... and he just got his full financial need funded last week. This group goes to other countries, and teaches people to read and use English by reading the Bible with them. It is an outreach for God, as well as for literacy education.
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Is it appropriate to say that God blessed us with money, when it is a refund from the thieving government? I would guess the answer is YES, because thieving governments are not in the habit of sharing refunds.

Another note of Praise: We got our Stimulus Package refund on Friday. The first thing we did was pay a bill. I had one final bill from my days at O.C. It was down to exactly $600. It is now paid in full. Yay! I am free of my financial burden to Oklahoma Christian. (If I get a call from them tomorrow asking for money, they are going to get hysterical laughter, but no money.) I am one step closer to total debt freedom! We still have about 10 to 15 years of payments on DH's loans, but we are ahead on those.

We have talked about different things to do with the remaining $600. We had wanted to get a new TV stand, a couple of shelves to match, a coffee table, and some low shelves to store shoes and DVDs. I had also wanted to save some of it. However, we have two cars to give minor repairs to (likely with major labor charges), so I don't know how much will really happen in our household decorating. This bill being gone frees up $100 per month to save or whatever, so that is going to stimulate the economy a bit. My economy. Ha!

Time to lock up the house for the night. I hope everyone had a good day. Enjoy Life!

Sitting At The Big Table May Not Be All That Fun

Word of the Post
Today's word is: pray
/pray/ verb
To beg, ask, entreat; earnest request; a religious act of petition from a deity.
2 Corinthians 5:20b (KJV) ~ "...we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God."

Prithee seems to be an olde English contraction of "pray thee", meaning "I ask of you". Prithee, does this maketh sense to thou?
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I am not precisely sure when it happened.

Today my mother called me to ask my opinion.

Mom spoke to me as a friend, an equal. She consulted me for an honest opinion. I gave it to her. We weighed each point with cons and pros. I think we were being drawn to the same conclusion.

She had called both of her sisters, and asked them as well. Aunt S. is the older sister, experienced in raising more children, and having grandchildren, and a thoughtful consultant. Aunt M. is the younger sister, the nurse, and a quite good sounding board herself.

I am not certain when I became one of the trusted few.

Somewhere between my impetuous teenaged youth and my stubborn foolish current age, my puny, proud little heart befriended my mother's. It feels good. It feels great. It is sad at the same time.

The question, you see, is a dangerous one with future consequences. Mom recently had both her pinkie toes amputated. She is healing well on the left foot, but the right foot is not following the dance quite right. The doctor gave her options on taking yet another toe from the right foot, all the way to removing all the toes on the right foot. {Edit: She will be losing all four of the remaining toes on her right foot.} This would be an effort to keep her foot. He didn't even really give her an opinion as to what he wished to do for her, but is leaving the decision up to her.

We discussed for a long time the facts of the matter. Her heart is not happy to have another surgery, but the doctor is certainly going to do a surgery on Wednesday, January 16. {Edit: The surgery will take place on Wednesday, January 23, because they needed her to be off the blood thinners for longer than two days.} He will remove at least one toe, or all four remaining toes, as far as she tells him to go. They speculate that removing only one toe will prolong the process, and she will be required to have other surgeries later. If all the toes are removed, her foot will have skin left to cover and close the wound. She will not just have a hole on her foot where her toes used to be, like she apparently does now. (I imagine this to end up looking like a tree stump, somewhat. When you cut a branch off, and paint it, it grows a little ridge of bark around the edges, and the middle just stays flat. I think this image keeps me from totally breaking down, so don't correct me, OK?) I have not seen her toes since before the first surgery, and I doubt I shall see any of her for most of this year. Pointing out my lack of medical background, I told her my opinion was that, to prevent further issues down the road, she should probably have all her toes removed.

My heart breaks each time I think about it. We were so calm. She wanted someone to just tell her what to do. Said it several times. She knows perfectly well all the logic that must go into this decision. The magnitude of it weighs her down. I don't know if she just wanted to be relieved of the pressure, or if she really has no idea what is best. I believe it is a combination of the two.

I ask tonight for your prayers. I can guide my mother all I want, but the final decision is up to her, to dad, and to the doctor. I can tell her what to do. (She ASKED me, after all. That was a first!) But I can't be there to hold her hand, or tell her that it will all be fine. I don't know that.

And I don't know what to do... other than pray. And fidget, continually, from a distance.

Here Comes "Samma Claus"

I was in the middle of blogging last Monday evening, when our house went dark. I copied the entry into my word processor program on my laptop, and saved it for later. Now, you get to see what I was thinking about Jack Frost just before he got a fuller revenge on us.

Jack Frost can have a bad temper sometimes. He has hit Oklahoma with a vengeance. I am not terribly certain what we have done to anger him, but he has made a mess of our streets, cars and electric companies. Our house has had two days of freezing rain, sleet, and bitter temperatures. I helped DH scrape almost half an inch of the stuff off his car last night, and helped him again this morning with more. The bright side? The wind has not been bad, so the cold doesn't bite at your bones.

The trouble this morning was getting into the car, to retrieve the scraper. Mind, the door was iced over. Good thing we had scrapers from another car and a key fob that unlocks the doors, without need of the exterior locking mechanism to be defrosted.

DH was told not to come in just yet.... after we had scraped 80% of the windows clean. So, we finished, and came back inside to warm up. Hot Cocoa is a wonderful invention. He ended up going in around 11, and was home by 2:30. His supervisor was there, working on stuff with a generator, because the office power was out. It has been fun trying to talk to people on our cell phones, because they keep cutting out, and telling us the network is busy. It took three actual phone calls, and several other tries on both ends, for his supervisor to ask him to come to work. My phone cut off my mom, in the middle of the conversation. So mean. That is what we get for relying so much on electricity.

Jelly Bean got to sit on Santa's lap while she was with Grandma and Grandpa over last weekend. (Her phrasing of his name inspired the title of this post, BTW) She told him she wanted a bow. He asked if it was a bow for her hair? She said, "No. A big red bow on top of my present!" The whole family is planning to put red bows on her presents. I am actually trying to make a pillow in the shape of a bow, so she can have a memento of this year for future reference. I am glad that she does not yet know how to read, and that she doesn't yet read my blog. :-) I won't be able to tell you all her presents in a few years. She will be sneaky and try to find out, and I shall have to be sneakier and not say. I just hope that the actual present doesn't look horrible. My sewing talents are limited, and my patience even more so.

We have visitors upstairs. Definitely mice, probably birds, and I wonder if maybe a squirrel (?), live in our ceiling. I don't really have any access to the area, since the only entrance is a hole in the ceiling of the garage, and we don't have a ladder. Today, they have been making all sorts of noise in or on the roof, and the poor cats are distraught at the fact that prey plays out of their reach. I have seriously been contemplating buying a ladder and some poison in a box, and planting it up there. Noisy critters. More reason to bug the landlord about fixing the roof. I think there are holes up there, and he could stand to get it inspected, at the very least.

It has been getting dark since I started writing this entry. It got very cold just in the past five minutes. Brr! Santa needs to bring me a blanket this year! I am in a sweater and shivering. I hesitate to turn up the heater, because of the skyrocketing price of natural gas. However, that is why we have the service, so I should probably use it. I am a miser, I suppose. Bah!

We have several parties this year, all expecting a present valued from $10 to $20 each. Is it just me, or is the "Dirty Santa" the new

I don't know where my brain was headed here. I don't remember what I was going to compare the "Dirty Santa" gift exchange to. I am sorry for this, because I was interested too.

I have been having a tough time coming up with a Christmas wish list for my mother-in-law. I do not need anything. There is not much I want. I can buy anything I feel I have a desire for, and I don't have that many desires right now. I think relying on others has put my wishes on hold. It hasn't yet "felt like Christmas" to me. I have done no decorating, and I don't intend to now. It is too late. It will only have to come down in the next two weeks anyway.

On my chat group, we decided I should ask her to contribute to the cost of replacing my engine, or that I should ask that she contribute to Niki's Sevens ministry. Being in the cold on the road prompted me to buy more blankets for Sevens than I was planning originally. I am thinking that might be the best option. Help others, don't spoil me. MIL says that Christmas is for "wants" and I think many of those are frivolous. I can ask for Wii games, but there are people freezing to death, and I know how to help them.

I have seen the goodness of God through my good friends, I have lacked for nothing (except for electricity) in the past week, and many months previous. I could use a new laundry detergent, a new digital camera with video, a package of thank you cards.... but I really can't think of anything that I don't already have. I can't ask for the jeans I would like, because I have to try them on. I don't like getting clothes, because clothes are so very varied in what fits my body. Money for clothes, maybe?

I think the couple gift of date is the best idea. That way, I don't have to think. She has given us this one in the past. An envelope for each part: a gift card for dinner, cash for a movie of our choice, and a little cash toward gas to drive there for an evening. One year, we bought a DVD we were waiting for, but still spent the money on "a movie".

I have tried this year to improve my spiritual life, our financial responsibility, and my housekeeping patterns. I have no intention of being selfish with this request. Celebrating with family is going to be enough. More than I deserve. I could not ask for more.

Maybe I can get Sara Evans' album with that song on it.

Humbug!

Ice, Ice, Baby

Ice storm, Ice refreezing, Baby came.

Our friend had her son on Wednesday, by C. His name (the one they have not quibbled over) is Alexander. He was 9 pounds even, and 21 3/4 inches tall. For Teh Club, email me if you don't know which friend I speak of.

I am on borrowed time with computers. Our home has been without power since Monday at 6:00 pm. Be not expecting a post anytime soon. I don't know when we will have power again. I have hot water, but nothing else in the way of creature comforts.

Pray for me, that I don't kill the OG&E dudes who are "working" to get our power back. Pray that we don't run out the welcome at our gracious friends' house. Pray that I don't lose my mind in the suitcases.

Just pray. After all the car trouble, this is just one more test. I don't remember praying for patience....

Thankfully

Since my previous journey into starting a conversation flopped, I am just going to say that I hope everyone had a good Holiday. I would love to hear what each of you is thankful for.

Things I Learned On My Trip
(in pretty much the order I thought of them)

1. Pack an extra change of clothes, just in case.
2. Mexican Blankets are cheaper in the middle of nowhere.
3. Chevy cars don't like the long hills on I40 between Milagro and Moriarty.
4. Moriarty and Mortality sound a lot alike.
5. Things are never so bad as they seem.
6. A layer of snow protects your car from getting ticketed for towing.
7. Daddies never lose their magic to fix stuff.
8. Mom's landlady's niece's sister's husband suddenly counts as family, even if you've never met him before. (sounds more dramatic than my friend's brother-in-law)
9. "Good Holiday" and "Good Trip" are two VERY different things.
10. Dry heat is OK. Dry cold.... not so much.
11. Bedlam is still important. (Go O.U.!)

More details to come. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

Overlooking The Bad

Word of the Post
Today's word is: condone
/con*done"/ verb
To regard or treat (usually action that is bad or blameworthy) as acceptable, forgivable or harmless. To overlook an offense; to pardon; make allowances for, or be lenient with.
When a child is caught doing something bad, many parents today condone their actions instead of punishing and educating.
~~~~~~~~~~
I got the car back, and things seem to be operating properly. I now have to settle up with the shop. I don't like giving up my money. I didn't even have to work for this money, but it just seems wrong to pay so much for installing such tiny parts. Dread fills my being. Unfortunately, I am also an honorable person, and must pay my debt. I want the guys to make the money for their labor. Just not so much of it. I have told the guys in the office more than once: I appreciate the work you do for me, but I am really getting tired of looking at you.

I think the cats are trying to break the door between the living room and the garage. They run throughout the house, at break-neck speeds, and hit the cat door at full tilt. One of these days, the door is going to pop out of its place, or just break in half from the force.

Of all the things that can go wrong, I have to deal today with the most painful. I have been having horrible back spasms. It hurts to walk, hurts to sit, hurts to move. I have iced my back, rubbed it with Tiger Balm, massaged, taken Tylenol, heat packed, and stretched. I have no idea what is pinched or what is out of place, but my muscles are crying. I wonder how much of this comes from all the walking I did over the weekend, going to the craft fair and a Blazers hockey game. You might question why going to a hockey game should make my back hurt, and I have the answers. I spent all day Friday at the State Fairgrounds at An Affair of the Heart, a twice annual craft fair. My legs and feet hurt for two days after that. On Saturday, we went to the hockey game at the Ford Center. We park about three blocks away, and walk to the arena. Then we have to hike up and down the stairs to get to our seats. The seats are not built for babies who have back like I have. I have to sit in the seats at a bit of an angle, and I am sure that is the actual culprit.

Thankfully, none of these will last forever. I have the money in hand to give to the shop for my car. I know the pain will go away soon enough. I should not complain. It brings everyone else down, and doesn't make me feel any better. Just know that I am doing all I can (for free) to help myself.

I wish for all my readers, loyal or new, to have a fun and safe and Happy Halloween!

And A Cherry On Top!

Today has been a bit of a roller coaster. I went to my friend's memorial service. It was one of the shortest, happiest funerary ceremonies I have ever attended.

The man was a Christian, and lived a long and happy life. He was full of awe at new experiences, and loved any new gadget he could get his hands on. He was well-loved, and will be much missed. The preacher who did the eulogy was impressed with the masses of people that kept the family company at the Heart Hospital. Apparently, even without me, the room was always full from Sunday night when he had the initial heart attack until Tuesday morning after he passed away. The Heart Hospital at Mercy was even good enough to bring a food cart for the guests. Amazing.

The funeral was a mix of congregational singing (our church being fond of acappella music), and a short talk about his life. I felt a bit self-conscious during one song. I was the only alto I could hear, on an alto lead part of the chorus. I don't think I was the only one singing, but I KNOW I was the only one the song leader could hear. It took a few minutes for all the adrenaline to get back to a normal level. I like singing, but I didn't want to be the center of attention at a funeral.

We laughed, we cried a little, and we broke for food. The actual service was only 1/2 an hour. He would have been happy to know that we all visited a long time over a good meal. His widow is such a sweet woman. I feel for her. She will no longer have her husband to listen to her. Her son lives with her, and I think things will be fine. He is a good son, taking care of his parents recently.

His daughter, my good friend, works for Hertz. I find it funny that the meaning of the name Hertz is "my strife". There are very few people I know who have worked there that enjoyed it; and I know a LOT of people who have worked there. Even I worked there for a short while. I guess you have to be off the phones in the call center, and then things are fine. Hertz (yes, the rental car company) is not fond of letting its people off for any old reason. But today, there were many people who work with my good friend at Hertz, and came to the funeral. It was neat.

The service was not a preachy service. The minister didn't try to convert the heathens who knew this man. We just celebrated his life, and it was peaceful.

I still don't have my car back. They keep trying to fix the sensors that trigger a fan that cools the system. They have replaced the water pump and two sensors, as well as the thermostat. They have one more part they are replacing tomorrow, and I should have the car back after that. I hope it works correctly. I miss my Malibu. I love that car. I have said before, if we could put the cushy seats and the cassette player from the Buick into the Malibu, the Malibu would be close to perfect. But perfect requires working. So, we wait. Pray that I don't go crazy without my car.

Go with God, Friends.

With Whipped Cream

Today, I got the car back at lunch, and had to take it back to the shop by 4. It overheated again. The shop replaced a thermostat or a sensor of some kind, and a seal that had a leak. They even put more antifreeze in it for the winter. I again had Roadrunner in the car, with her boys picked up from school, and she told me that the car still smelled funny, and the boys told us the car was leaking. While driving between the school and the house, I noticed the temperature going up higher than it should have. The car dumped about 3 cups of fluid on Roadrunner's driveway.

We still have the other car, so I am not totally stranded at home, but we have lots of things to do tomorrow, and will be one car short still.

We will be attending the memorial service for my friend's dad who passed away on Tuesday morning. They have made sure to tell everyone to dress casual, so I don't have to find my blackest skirt, or wear uncomfortable shoes. His widow will be happy that we are comfy. He is being cremated, so there will be no viewing, and no trip to the graveside. I think this service will be more of a celebration of a life lived happy, than another funeral for an old guy at church that died. I know his family will be happy with that.

I suppose that my own emotional state is still in question, but I have to support my friends. I could not go to the hospital on Monday. I don't like hospitals, and I was certain that I could not be helpful there. I can do funerals for weeks, but I don't want to see you with tubes hanging off of you. It isn't really a phobia, it's more of an issue of comfort zone.

I hear wine is good for the heart, if taken in moderation. Unfortunately for me, that requires grapes. I don't much like grape juice, and to let it get sour over time in a wooden cask does not improve it. I have, however, found a few select wines that are not so bad.

Oklahoma produces sweeter wines, according to the owner of the winery we have been to a few times. We started going there the first time for a wedding we attended. We have been back for a whim on the spur of the moment, and have been there for a Wine Festival. At the Festival, they sell tasting glasses for $10, and this includes free tastes all day long. We got to try each flavor without buying a whole bottle. I avoided the driest of the reds, but actually liked a few that I was sure I would hate. I wish I had my own pictures. This winery is so very pretty. They have an area outdoors that is set up for weddings, and give free tours of their facilities. They also have local artists, candle makers and musicians at the Festival.

There was a neat little thing that was interesting. They called it a Wine-a-Rita. It was a margarita mix that was made with either white or red wine instead of tequila. I had a tiny little taste of the white one. It was much better than tequila, there is no doubt about it. All slushy goodness. I could see myself getting quite sloshed with a drink like that. Which is why I didn't buy any of it.

Our favorites are (in no particular order or significance): Noble Red, Blush Delight and Fiesta Blanca. We are much happier with the sweet light wines. At the winery, they serve cheeses from an Oklahoma company, but I didn't buy any of it, so I don't remember the name of it. I prefer my cheese from Watonga, Oklahoma. They make cheddar cheese with bits of bacon in it! Yum-O! There is a cheese festival they do. We have talked about going there someday. Maybe next time.

I am not one to promote reckless drinking. I don't drink anything to get an effect. I don't like the buzzed feeling that can come from alcohol. I prefer to taste a little bit. I like to experiment with flavors, not get crazy. The tasting was quite fun for jokes. DH watched his favorite college team lose (they were playing the game to entertain the people who would have been at home otherwise), and told me, "I need a drink!" and went back to get another taste. It was funny, only because it was so out of character for us.

I would encourage anyone who wanted a new experience to go to a local winery and play for a day. You don't have to drink anything to have a good time, and you may come away with a new-found affinity for a certain libation. Just make sure that you buy and drive home to drink. I don't want any accidents because I told you to go to the grapes.

Here's to your health!

Strawberry Divinity

Troubles come in threes.

Mom is doing well, better than expected. Her heart doctor said she could go home Monday, her foot doctor said no until Tuesday around noon. They had done an MRI on her feet, to get more information about what was wrong, and they still had to get those results. I have not talked to her again today to make sure she really did go home, but I am sure she is fine. Her sisters are planning a trip to see her, so I don't have to be the one that must go home. That helps my conscience.

The second trouble was for my friend Cathy. Her dad passed away this morning, from a heart attack (the irony is not lost on me) that he suffered Sunday night. Her mother is going to have a hard time dealing, I think. The funeral will be on Thursday. I ask for prayers for Cathy and her whole family.

The third trouble is that today my car started acting up. On the way home, the low water light came on, and then my temperature gauge went way up. Roadrunner was with me. I took her home and then drove the car to the shop. I will find out tomorrow morning what was wrong. Water pump? Burst hose? Leak in radiator? Whatever it is, I hope it is not expensive. I can say, however, that this is the second time I have had interesting things happen at home when I was planning (hoping) to be out on the road going to New Mexico. I could have had the car die on the open road in the middle of nowhere, or had to have dad help me fix the car in order to get home again. I have had both of those happen before, so I am sure God is watching out for me.

Thanks for all your prayers.

Divine Raspberries

Sometimes, words escape me. (Don't act so shocked!) Sometimes, they overwhelm me. Tonight, words are not enough.

Just this morning in Bible class, we were asked if we ever felt like God spit on us. I know this sounds funny to many of you. It sounded funny to me. We talked about Jesus spitting in the dirt to make mud to heal blindness, not once but twice. "Jesus was a spitter." The thought was bad, but the ensuing conversation made us all gag. The sermon this morning asked a similar question, and I had to emulate (I was quiet!) the snort from forming a good spit. (Bible school teacher and his wife and DH and myself were all quite impressed with my humor and timing.) I seriously could not stop myself. I needed that laugh.

Do you ever feel like you get spat upon when expecting a different kind of healing? I feel a small bit like that this weekend.

I recently asked for prayers for my father, and now I need them for my mother. Mom had a mild heart attack on Friday. She will be in the hospital until after some tests on Monday. She is diabetic, and has sores on her feet from walking too much at work. The doctor was contemplating how to save her feet without amputating a pinkie toe, but those thoughts had to be put on hold when she went to the Emergency Room for her heart.

Asking for prayers for someone else is easy. I forget to ask them for myself. I am stressed again. I really don't like fidgeting from such a long distance. My friend said this morning that "hovering is so much better". She's right. She speaks volumes of wisdom from experience.

Living so far away from my family is a hard decision I made many years ago. My parents' health was much better back then. I have a hard time when friends, and even my husband, get to see their families so often. It starkly reminds me of my humanity, and the 100% mortality rate we share. I know it is the way of nature to bury our parents, but I don't want to have to do that just yet. I guess you could call it selfishness, or maybe it is more laziness or poverty. I just don't have the emotional wellbeing to watch my parents fail. They have worked so hard all these years, to make a good life for me and my brother, and to support themselves in their golden age. Sickness has ruined so much of that.

I think I have said too much. I did not say that I was at a loss for words tonight. Words are not enough, because my heart is crying out to God, and my mind has no idea of what words fit that. I am glad that I have the Holy Spirit to be my thesaurus for prayer.

The rain is falling. It smells wonderful. Wet, noisy, clean, cool and refreshing. I have an intense desire to go out barefoot and jump in a puddle. My yard is certainly a swamp by now, I should go dance and sing in the rain. Where is my umbrella? I need to have it to do the dance properly, right?

Is this Jesus' spit in the healing mud?

Down Time

Word of the Post
Today's word is: morose
/mo*rose"/ adjective
Sullen, austere, of a sour temper. Ill humored, gloomy, gruff.
An illness or depression can lead to a morose affect.
~~~~~~~~~~
I have a tendency to be morose. In the moment, I don't think about others, or even the future, just about me and the now. I don't play chess very well, because I don't think on the strategy of the thing. Not that I couldn't learn, but that I have not bothered to. I spend a lot of time alone, and that doesn't help.

I am a perfectionist, so I like to complete each task to the highest standard. I am also a procrastinator, so if it can be done later, I ignore it now. The fall happens when I want to do something perfectly, and I know I cannot. The job never gets off the ground. I am by no means lazy, just cluttered. And I have lost my joy.

They say you will never forget your first love, no matter how many others you encounter in your lifetime. The First is always the love of youth, passion and the forgiveness of modified memories. Being a Christian, the goal is to remember that God is the First Love, and everything else is just secondary.

Lisa (the one with the Perspective) said that she lost herself in her attention to others. I have lost myself in the attention to me. Odd as that sounds, it is true. I have paid so much attention to me, that I have neglected the God and His people that I needed to be loving. I have done only things that make me happy, and somehow came out of the forest wondering where the trees were; I am less happy than ever.

It strikes me that I cannot be the person I so desire to be. I cannot be the faithful Hannah, giving up her first son to God. "Sorry, God, the church won't function as an orphanage." I cannot be so unselfish. I am a selfish human, and I am stuck in my pride on that matter. I want a child! I have done nothing to show that I would be faithful in raising a child. I have, in fact, done nothing but complain that I didn't have what I wanted. Any mother will tell you that complaining and pitching the fit won't get you anywhere. God uses the parental analogies all the time. He is our Father. He hears every thought in our hearts. And I have done nothing but be a pitiful child.

I have decided that I need to sit. Be still. Be patient. Be prayerful. Be busy working and not so busy complaining. God doesn't always grant a request immediately. Sometimes the answer is "No". I don't want God to just give me a child. (Basket on the doorstep is so cliche') So, what do I want? The sad truth is that it does not matter what I want. I am a mere human, who does not understand the ways of God. While He promises to give me the desires of my heart, he also promises that life and ministry will be a challenge. This is not to say that I don't matter to God, because each of us does, but to say that the will of this tiny speck may be in conflict with the plans of the God of the Universe.

In a recent lesson, Curt Niccum said that God doesn't mind when we ask questions, and even when we yell a bit. He wants to know what we think, how we are feeling, and that we are willing to use Him as our shoulder. It all should come back to God. We get our life and every thing we have from Him, and we also get our comfort from Him.

Job was in misery, sitting in ashes and sackcloth. His friends showed up and, for the first few days, did exactly the right thing. They sat quietly with Job in the ashes. It is when they opened their mouths that the trouble started.

Granny had a poem above her sink, and I need to remember it. I would give the author's name if I had it. Until I find an author, I will attribute it to "Anonymous" (who has written and said many more profound things than any other thinker, alive or dead).

Thank God for dirty dishes,
They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry,
We're eating very well.
With Health and Home and Happiness
I shouldn't want to fuss;
For, by the stack of evidence,
God's been good to us!

I need to get back to work. Laundry and Dishes await. The multipurpose sink is in need of my attention, as well as the prayer life I claim to have.

Life-And-Times TV, A Surprise Story

Word of the Post
Today's word is: niecephews
/niece"fews/ plural noun
Newly created single word for the collective of nieces and nephews; like "cousins", covers both male and female children of a sibling. May also use the term "noonies".
Thank you to the Risley Family, Dustin for "niecephews" and Angie for "noonies". You guys are funny and creative, and I needed a word for this very purpose. If anyone else has a special word to fit this purpose, I would love to hear it. :-)
~~~~~~~~~~
This has been a very tiring day for our family. Fridays are going to be busy again for the High School Football season. DH does his radio production thing starting next weekend. So, we were out playing hooky last night. As DH's last free Friday, we had a date. We ate dinner at home, went to our favorite coffee shop, and stopped by a theater to check screen times of movies. We decided that we would go home to watch Rush Hour 2, so we could see Rush Hour 3 on Saturday.

Then we got the call. 9:30 (ish) pm. BIL called DH's phone. SIL was in labor. Dilated to 1, they thought she would deliver in about 12 hours or so. Where have I heard this before? Oh, yeah, when Jelly Bean came! We decided to go home to get some rest, clean a bit and prepare for Parents to come visit. We would get up at 6 (not a minute later!) and go to the hospital in the morning.

SIL doesn't wait around. There was no 12 hours of labor. She was done by 1:30 am. Wow! If we had gone to the hospital at 10, we might have left at 12, like the babysitter did. And we would have missed it anyway. This was especially tough on DH, because he wanted to be there this time. This is his sister, and we both missed JBean's appearance, too.

"The baby" (we couldn't keep saying "it" all the time, made the poor babe sound like a crazed clown!) made an appearance at 1:28 am, weighing in at 7 lbs, 4 oz. and was 19 1/4 inches tall. This handsome new addition is a boy named Carson John.

Allow me to introduce you!

Carson, World. World, a thoughtful Carson.

That tongue sticking out is (according to Gramma B, the most biased Gramma in the world) his way of saying "I love you!" Those fingers are Mommy's fingers, I think. Much like JBean, Gum Drop is a perfect mix of his parents... not too obvious one way or the other. But certain features are unmistakable. He has quite a bit of hair, but it is continually covered by the hats. It is medium brown, and ... I almost said "baby soft". How funny is that?

Sometimes, my own brilliance amazes me. This is, I think, a prize-winning picture. I am pleasantly surprised that you can read the little charm they gave him. This is a profile view, sideburns and a button nose peeking over the cutest little cheek. Uncle DH is so good at holding babies! Those long arms are great support for little backs, the big hands are perfect to hold the tiny heads!


JBean was with Babysitter's family, and came to visit this morning. I tried to get pictures of her expression when she first saw GDrop, but she was too happy to be hugging Daddy. I got some great ones, though.


Grandma P. is holding GDrop, and JBean is not quite sure what he is yet. She did say later that he could come to live at her house. I know that she has no idea what she is in for. At least they have separate rooms! When my Brudder was born, we shared a room. Ugh.


The nice nurses were willing to scheme with Gramma B, and one of them came and "delivered" a baby doll for JBean. This baby got several names: Parker, Sister, Ashley, Baby.... whatever was in her little head at the time you asked her. Then there was Mommy's baby, and JBean's baby.


After meeting both babies, we asked JBean if she wanted to play with her baby. She said, "No, I want to play with DAT one!" and pointed at GDrop. She is quite pleased with herself to have made so many people laugh. She really IS a ham! She will be two on the 30th. We were hoping that GDrop would wait until September, but he decided that he didn't want to wait. (He was 3 weeks early! Think how big he would have been if he really showed up on Sept. 14!?!) So, 5 days shy of two years apart.

Loving and Kissing on the Brudder.

Finally, for tonight anyway, we have the "Bookends". I have a picture somewhere of the two Grampas snoozing after JBean's birth too. This is not quite as perfect a scene as the last time, but cute nevertheless. The one on the left is Grampa R, and the right is Grampa D.

I am now off to bed, yet again. I got no sleep between 9:30 pm call and 2:00 am wake up call. The only sleep I have had is the 5:30 to 9:00 pm nap I just had. But don't let me complain. I was not the one who worked so hard today! SIL and GDrop are both more tuckered than me.

All is well, and God is GOOD!

"Television Rots Your Brains!" or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation"

Word of the Post
Today's word is: dramaturgy
/dram"a*tur'gy/ noun
The art of writing and producing plays; the art of dramatic composition and representation.
Sometimes people will call me a Drama Queen; I prefer to be noted for my skill in dramaturgy.
~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you all, great and small, for praying for my father. Please continue to do so. I want this to be an isolated, treatable incident. I know that my parents will not be around forever, and I know that they are about 10 years older than many of my friends' parents. It is still so hard to watch a parent be sick, and know that I can do nothing. I am so far away, and so (sigh while I contemplate my words) very helpless when it comes to medical issues. The greatness of God amazes me. He created stars bigger than our whole solar system, and yet He cares about me and my dad.

I suppose one could say that this got out of hand, but I don't think so. My father was sick, I called in the troops. Simple. I don't feel comfortable calling them off just yet. Dad is doing fine. His arteries are not up to snuff, I guess, but the incident was not nearly as bad as I pictured it. I really did not relish the idea of a flying trip home. When I said 13 hours, I meant 15 by myself (more frequent stops to stay awake), all of it spent fidgeting over the parents I could not get to any faster. Let me retrace my panic for you, and elaborate on the truth of the situation.

Dad went about his Wednesday last week as any normal person would. He went to work, he went to lead singing at a funeral for a woman from church, he ate lunch at home and changed back into the work clothes. He drove to and from the funeral, and out from work to make a couple of deliveries. When he got back, he was a little bit disoriented. He decided to call mom. Instead of calling her cell phone, he called her school's office. When they finally tracked her down, she called him back at his work. He, still feeling a little disoriented, couldn't finish the conversation, and handed the phone to a coworker. This was an obvious signal to the coworker. Due to the symptoms she could see, she called my brother (who works in a business right next door), and it was decided that he should go to the emergency room.

My brother drove dad to the emergency room. They parked the van, and took dad in, and got him signed in, complete with insurance card. Someone got mom from her work, and she met brother and dad at the ER. They ran tests, and asked him a lot of questions, and monitored him for two or three hours. The ER Physician guessed that the problem was something called T.I.A.

Transient Ischemic Attack is the official name for what is known as a "warning stroke" or a "mini stroke". I had to look this up just now, because my parents can't pronounce it. It is a precursor to an actual stroke, which usually happens within a year, if not treated. They are attacks that happen suddenly, and quickly. The average one lasts about a minute, and they can last up to five minutes. Dad's major symptom was sudden confusion, disorientation. He did not have slurred speech, and had performed all his normal tasks perfectly before this. The T.I.A.'s have a marked difference from a stroke, in that they do not cause permanent brain damage. They told dad that it is like a spasm in an artery that feeds blood to the brain. The site I found described it as a temporary clot clogging an artery. Not the kind of clot that gangs up on you and moves up to kill you, just a little gathering of the brotherhood, to test you. Dad still has only vague dream-like memories of the day, but has suffered no long-term memory loss. From this, I gather that his T.I.A. probably lasted longer than a minute. There are so many things that could be worse. I am thankful that this is the only lasting effect.

Dad does not remember about six hours of his day. He knows he went to the funeral, led singing, and was even complimented on his job. Blank. He knows there was a pan moved in the kitchen (must have made lunch), and dress clothes on the bed where he left them (next to the little memorial folder to give to mom, who couldn't go to the funeral), and that he went back to work. Blank. He knows from my brother that they gave the insurance card to a man at the desk when they entered the ER, but he didn't recognize the same man, who told him he looked better, as he left. Memory is a tricky and mysterious thing. I don't know what, if any, purpose there is to the loss of memory. Mom has done a lot to encourage dad. He may never remember, and that is OK, because the day wasn't that memorable to begin with. He could have forgotten family, friends, job, or who he is. This reality is way better.

Dad went to the family Physician on Monday this week, and he ran more tests, and has scheduled dad for a Doppler Ultrasound. DH and I were joking around with some church friends tonight after our mid-week service. We said that he would be covered in a lead blanket that was green, to match the green-screened floor. I said that I wanted to see his brain map on TV, complete with weather man: "And there is a storm moving up this artery, we expect a small shower of memories falling out of the right ear... and tomorrow, the drugs kick in! Watch out everyone, he's getting well!" It is good to laugh about the serious things, with good friends. It goes a long way to keeping me sane. The family Physician said that the ER Physician made an accurate guess, and everything he found seemed to confirm the first opinion's diagnosis.

Dad spent Thursday and Friday at home, bored to tears. I am sure he was wanting to do some reloading for his guns, and afraid that if he did he would blow himself up by forgetfulness. I hear he watched a lot of TV, which will "rot your brains!", but what did he have to lose, really? ;-) He tells me, every time I call, that he feels great. I guess the two days of rest really did work for him.

Short answer, dad is going to be on medication like mom is. That is fine with me. This way, I know he is around, and I know that he did not hurt himself or anyone else when it hit. The drugs that will help him will thin his blood, and prevent such clots from forming, and therefore prevent them from moving around and clogging his arteries. I can deal with this. I have the answer I was looking for.

I still say dad just wanted another day off of work. Ha!

Where Two Or More Are Gathered

Emergency Prayer Request

Please pray for my father. I just got back Monday from meeting my parents in Amarillo. They got home on Tuesday. Dad went to a funeral to lead singing today... and he doesn't remember the rest of his day. He is currently in the hospital, and they are testing him to find out what actually happened. They don't know if it is a stroke or something else.

I just got the call, so I am not sure what is to be done yet. I may have to take a flying trip home. In any event, I am always saying that Prayer should be the first line of defense, not the last resort. So, I am asking that you pray for my dad, my mom, my brother, and me.

I will post more when I know it.

Thank you all for praying with me.

Update: As of Wednesday 8pm my time... The CT scan and Chest X-ray they did showed nothing. They are convinced it was not a stroke. Dad is home now, and resting. He is to stay home for at least two days. My brother lives at home and works close by, so he will check on Dad at lunch every day. Dad's memory of most of Wednesday is foggy at best, like a vague memory of a dream. He is in good humor, and tells me he feels great. So, maybe this was just his way of taking a break from work. He will have an appointment with a family doctor sometime this week, and maybe we can find out more then.

Thank you all for your quick prayers. I know that Dad is better because of it. I am not currently planning a trip home, but will do so if anything changes for the worse. It is hard to fidget over my parents from so far away. At least they called me today, and not tomorrow to tell me what went on in the past. These cell phones are a nifty invention. Mom has good friends to remind her to call me.

I hope that this is an isolated incident, or that they find something to fix. It is the doubt in the system, and the "I don't know" answers that bother me. I would rather know that it was a (name the problem here; stroke, heart attack, glitch in his brain), than to have them say, "We don't know what it was, but until we figure it out, take this pill." I think this society is too anxious to give a pill to fix everything, and not determined enough to find the real cause.

Please keep praying for his recovery, and my sanity. I have a lot on my plate right now, and I don't really want to mull it over with myself during 13 hours of driving.

The Yellow Rose Of Texas, Amarillo

Word of the Post
Today's word is: intransitive
/in*tran"si*tive/ adjective
Designating a verb that does not require or cannot take a direct object; an action which does not require an object to complete the sense; as, an intransitive verb, e.g., the bird flies, the dog runs.
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The ear infection is still here. I have a resistant head. My mother would call it "stubborn", but I prefer to think of it as "independent". My colds and infections have always taken 10 days of antibiotics. If they gave me just 7, they would end up giving me 7 more. And I hate to take pills, especially when it hurts to swallow or it is difficult to breathe. My head still feels like I have cotton in my ears. The doctor only gave me the antibiotic, not a decongestant. So, I have added DayQuil to the daily pill popping. I hope to be able to hear and to sing on Sunday.

We recently upgraded our computer. There are a few small adjustments to be made when upgrading, but we have done well with them. DH is good at his job, which at home means he is my tech support desk. I can usually hunt-and-peck for the things I need, and I am not afraid to push buttons to see where they go and what they do. For some applications, things have really changed, and I had to ask him what to look for. Then, my Hotmail upgraded me by surprise, and I had to find my missing email group. Which took a few minutes. Considering that I wanted to send them pictures, I had to find them. All is now well, I found them, and modified the group nickname to show up when I type what I need. I guess Hotmail warned me that this was coming, but I kept throwing away their stupid junk-looking emails. Guess they weren't all junk.

I have been doing laundry like the machine is going out of style. I have so much dirty laundry, and the piles grow everyday. Silly DH, he likes to wear clean clothes to work. Then there are towels, and bedsheets. This job never stops. Laundry, my nemesis, and Dishes, his closest cousin and sidekick. I fight the evil a little bit every day, and they still plague my home. All I can think of it is this: What will I do when I have kids? This will only get worse! I visit FlyLady.net at least once a week, just for a little emotional boost. I am not behind, I can jump in right where I am. Such a calm voice in the midst of my C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). I really like this site. It gives me hope that, someday, I can have a clean-looking home, enough to fool the unexpected guests. First, I have too much work to do, and I sit here feeling overwhelmed. It is in the darkest hours that FlyLady brings me rays of sunshine. I can do small bits, everyday, and they will add up to a clean home in the future. For now, though, I have a Mess of the tallest stacked caliber.

I have threatened in the past to rent a small bulldozer, and push all the junk out of my house, in order to start fresh. I figure I need to put all the stuff I want to keep in my bedroom, and lock the door. Then I need to open the place up to an estate sale, and let someone come get all the junk out of my house. Probably more clean that way, than pushing the stuff to the corner with a Bobcat. Think of the money I could make!

I am off now to prepare for our trip to Amarillo. Mom wants a salad dressing that she can't buy in New Mexico, so I have to buy a case of it for her. I need to call her, and get some chiles. Yum!